Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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