This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
