I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
