Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
