Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
