As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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