Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
