I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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