Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
