NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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