I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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