There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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