my phone needs a breathalizer
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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