god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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