shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
