My room smells like vodka and shame
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
