It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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