i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
