They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize