4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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