Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
