There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
