Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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