Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
