I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
