I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
