That's intense
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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