I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
im on a boat
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