you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
