dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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