Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
