I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
