I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
