too bad you live with your parents still
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
