I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
