You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
