Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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