that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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