Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
