i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
