I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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