Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
