Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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