tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
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