Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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