my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
