is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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