I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
