Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
