i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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