I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize