I think scott just propositioned me for sex
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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