I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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