i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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