So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
