the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize