Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
