Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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