was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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