I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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