She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
