Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She even gives head with a lisp.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
