I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
