i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
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