It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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