I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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