just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
