I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
